Wordless Wednesday: Life Is a Peach
Jun 16th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
Bitter-Sweet
May 18th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
I am sure that all parents go through the back and forth of being so excited, so proud, so happy to see their children growing up while at the same time wondering, ‘where’d my baby go?’ and longing for the days of yesterday, last month or last year.
R is full of all sorts of fantastic new things that he can do now. As of, well, pretty much today, he can pull himself up on the couch or a toy, or as we discovered this morning, the washing machine. It is such an amazing thing to watch as he is constantly mastering new skills and greeting new challenges with one of his funny little growls and a smile. He is currently working on four, yes FOUR, of his top teeth and he has pretty much not skipped a beat. Everyday I think he he shares with us new noises and funny faces. His laugh and smile are truly contagious. He is just so much fun.
This afternoon I kept him out grocery shopping too long and basically begged him not to fall asleep in the car 3 minutes away from home. See, when he falls asleep in the car he feels that is an appropriate nap. Whether its 5 minutes or 50 minutes, neither which qualify for a real nap in my book. So, I got him home, got him a fresh nappy then proceeded to try and get him to sleep after some heavy eyed and drowsy nursing. However, to my surprise that little snack and quiet time in the car must have refueled him as he was so nowhere away from napping. After maybe 20 minutes or so of struggling to get him to nap, I caved and gave up.
Surely I thought that by 8pm he would be more than ready for bed and quietly and calmly fall asleep in my arms. Ummm… wouldn’t you know, that is so not how it played out. He was fussy and overly tired and once again we battled it out for bedtime. After a while I was getting frustrated and he was too upset and tired to handle himself. I finally got him to calm down and konk out but it wasn’t easy. Lying with him in my arms I thought to myself, oh how I wish he would just easily go to sleep while nursing like he used to do.
Most of the time I am more than happy and exited to be where we are, with our amazing 9 month old baby boy. We get to do a lot of fun stuff now and, wow, his personality just becomes more and more visible everyday. But, then there are times when I miss that tiny itty bitty baby. As I have mentioned (8 million times!) before, time goes by so fast. It really is just so insane how quickly time passes. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what tomorrow might bring, that next big milestone or whatever that before we know it we’re trying to remember when it happened.
I am super lucky in that I am still only working part time and I get to spend a lot of time with R. It’s just wonderful and I often just sit on the floor playing with him, reveling in him. Somedays I get stuff done and other days we just hang out and take naps together (Shhhh, don’t tell N.). I’m a one very blessed Mama. I figure that I have to just enjoy these times that we have together, before they are gone forever and what remains is just a memory or a feeling of longing for them. But I am discovering that no matter how wonderful the yesterdays were the tomorrows are what makes waking up such a joy.
The Little Explorer
May 13th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
Hi Internet. I didn’t forget about you. I actually really miss you. So, let’s just start this out kinda slow like. A lot has changed since we last hung out. Like my beautiful baby boy. Here is a little picture that was taken of R today while he was hanging out with his Grandma K. Thank goodness for technology. Getting pictures sent to my phone while I am working sure helps the day go by. Enjoy! Hope we’ll be seeing each other soon.
My Perfect Present
Jan 31st, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
I’ll be honest with you. Our little R didn’t come easy. This baby boy was well planned and most certainly wanted. When N & I decided we wanted to start a family back a few years ago, it almost seemed too easy. And I guess it was. We have always talked about wanting kids, from the very beginning of our relationship we knew we’d have a family together. So, the time seemed right and I went off the pill. 5 weeks later those 2 amazing pink lines appeared on the little white stick. “Wow,” we thought, “this was definitely meant to be!” However, 3 or 4 weeks later my heart broke as I learned that I had had a miscarriage. It physically took me a bit to be ready to try again, more than that, emotionally it took even longer. Once we were ready I figured it would happen pretty quickly, just as it had the first time. I was wrong. At first I thought nothing of it, but by 8 or 10 months I was starting to get impatient. We had been so ready, why was it taking so long? Around a year I started paying even more attention, taking my temperature, trying to figure out when I was ovulating, all that crazy TTC stuff. Fun turned into stress and every month or so, my period would show up and I would be bummed. Why was this taking so long? Would we ever get to be parents? I ended up getting some help from my doctor in order for our dream to become a reality. After 17 months of trying and 2 rounds of clomid I was finally pregnant!
So, where am I going with all this? No, we are not trying for another. We are still reveling in our little R and we will continue to do so for a while longer! Yesterday was my birthday. We had a great day. We went up to the Tahoe area and played in the snow. This was a few firsts for R. His first time in the snow, his first long car ride and my first birthday with my wonderful baby boy. At some point yesterday N overheard me tell R that I couldn’t ask for a better present than to be a mama to him. He is my most treasured gift. I think I told N this on our wedding anniversary that we celebrated weeks after R’s birth. And again on our “real” anniversary in October. And again at Christmas. Maybe a few other times here and there too. N responded with a reply to R, “Wow buddy, how long do you think Mama is going to let me off the hook with you being her present?” To which I replied, “Well, at least until he’s one!”
It may seem silly, and I don’t know if because we really had to work for R that I can appreciate him more than if he had come easy? I am sure that had he come easy, I would still feel the same, but I dunno. He is my little gift. My perfect present. We did have to work for him and now that he’s finally here I feel so blessed to have him. I feel so lucky to have been given the right to be his mama. He chose us and we are so lucky that he did. He is the sweetest baby, he is easy going and he has just a great personality. I couldn’t have asked for more.
So yes, we played in the snow. We had our two dogs, Ruby and Keena with us. They played in the snow. It was actually Ruby’s first time in the snow too. It was a good time had by everyone. I got to take a fabulous nap with R in the afternoon and then a yummy dinner. I had a very happy birthday!
The Sweetest Story
Jan 28th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
Typed up and hiding somewhere on my desktop is an incredibly long, very in depth, not missing a single detail, copy of R’s birth story. It is certainly something that I will never forget. But I assume as time goes on, it will be something manages to get a little hazy. Like some of those very specific details will just slip through the cracks. So, about a week or so after R was born I went to work on typing up the birth story. I thought that besides for my own recollection, in twenty/thirty-something years when R is going to be a Papa and becomes interested in hearing about his birth, I can have something to tell him. Not just something but a lot of something. Every detail he’d never want to know. That will be super-duper cool, for him and me. One little problem though. Got to page 5 (I was DEAD serious; painstakingly detailed) and, no joke, right around the good stuff, the actual pushing and baby being born, I stopped. R’s birth story is unfinished.
Now, I’ve been thinking about going in to finish it, but every time I think about it I manage to find something else to do. Why? I am not real sure. I still remember everything. Pretty clearly. Well, no, I guess I don’t. Couldn’t tell ya the name of the nurse that helped deliver my baby. I’m sure that N can and, well, that is good thing. Man, that sucks. R is just about 6 months old and already my brain has gone mushy and those once “I’ll never forget this is a million years” details are fading into the dark cob webby corners of my mind. And, well, damn, I can’t even blame it on the drugs! Cause the the only drugs that I took during my 36 (give or take) hour labor was TONS of penicillin (I was being treated for strep B), a little tiny teeny bit of pitocin (I stalled out at 6 cm for over 12 hours) and a little midol after the birth. So, nope. Can’t blame it on the drugs. None of those drugs did anything to alter my memory or anything. Pretty much all the other mommies that I’ve talked to though like to mention this thing called “mommy brain,” or as one friend described it “placenta brain,” and maybe that’s what’s happening. But regardless, whatever it is going on, why can’t I finish it? I just don’t know.
Somedays I look at R and it seems like he is so old. Like he has never not been a part of our family. I see his teeny tiny newborn pictures that fade in and out on my screen saver and I think, “Wow! I can’t believe he was ever that small. Was he ever that small?!” But then I do have those moments where it still seems so new, and I still feel like he just got here last week. Like it was just yesterday I was walking laps around the L&D wing of the hospital with my big baby belly, wondering, “Who is this tiny person in me? Are you a boy? Are you a girl?” Like we were just giving R his first bath. Or some other first that was just recently. But it wasn’t. It is just such a strange thing. I guess where I have been at more and more though lately is the first mentioned stage. The stage, where that birth does seem like a story now. Like it could have happened years ago.
One of the nice things that has come along with this sense of time is I feel like we are pretty well experienced. I think N & I are doing a pretty good job of raising our little R. (Toot toot! Yup, I just tooted my own horn.) I mean I know we are not perfect (like seriously who is? And would I really want to be?) but I think our family has really taken shape nicely. We’re just at that point now where we’ve hit our groove. We’ve got a good handle on R’s little emerging personality. And, I guess what I mean by that is not that we have a handle on it, just that we really all know each other a lot better now. We’re like a real family. Things just sort of seem like everything is in their right place. I think I have said it before (like maybe, I dunno, 10 gazillion times) but I just can not imagine life without this family now. This little boy who makes N and I so complete.
So maybe at some point soon I can go in and finish the birth story. But maybe the reason I haven’t done it is because how do you end with such a happy ending? Will my mere words do my beautiful son justice? I/we had an amazing birth. I was so lucky. It could. not. have. gone. better. And that amazing birth story doesn’t really have an end. I mean our story, R’s story, is just only beginning. It is so much easier, and such a joy, to continue writing the story. All the fun and amazing experiences we are gong through now. That birth story is just like the first chapter R’s book. Ugh, well, now that I put it like that, and see it in my own words, how do you not have a completed first chapter? Damn, I better get off my ass and finish that story! Maybe if I do ever get it done, I’ll edit out about 5 pages and share it with you all. But seriously though, hate to spoil it, it has the HAPPIEST ending ever!
Everyday Is A New Day
Jan 23rd, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
There have been so many things that I have heard other parents say, and you hear time and time again and think, “oh, that is so over used.” Or, “what a cliché.” Some of these things that come to mind are:
(and I have kinda put my own spin on them…)
- You will never know the depth of how much you can love until you hold your new baby. And then you won’t believe you can love something so.very. much.
- Seeing the wonder in your child’s eye and witnessing the discovery of something new, gives you the feeling that you have also just witnessed something new and amazing. (and you have.)
- Once that baby comes, your life will never be the same. (and thank goodness, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way!)
- Don’t blink, because if you do, next thing you know you’ll have a teenager. (and then you’ll be sending them off to boarding school. ha.)
- Once it’s your own kid, it’s not gross. (but let me tell you, it is still gross, you just don’t care!)
There are a million more that I could add but I think you may get where I am going with this. All these over used cliché sayings are over used and cliché because they are true. You hear them over and over again because they actually carry real meaning behind them. I assume that almost every parent has this a-ha moment where they realize, “oh my god, all that crazy talk all those peeps were saying is true. I get it.”
It seems I have these a-ha moments often. R will be doing something new and it feels like the first time anyone has ever done anything as cool as that. You feel like you are bursting with happiness, or pride or … well some overwhelming joyful emotion. He makes everyday seem like a new fantastic day. And I look forward to each day like it’s a holiday and I have some fantastic plans or something.
Honestly, I kinda thought the new parent high would have faded by now. R is just a week or so shy of being 6 months and I’m still feeling it. Riding the wave of new parent bliss. And I know I sound all sappy and happy and blissed out, and generally I am, but of course I still have “those” moments too.
Like last night when R was wailing so loud my ears were ringing. Then he decided to projectile spit up all over my chest. To the point where it got so gunky in my necklace I had to remove it and clean it in the morning. Then while still screaming, while I changed his diaper he peed on me, on that same shirt that was already dripping in spit up, and on him and his PJs. But then we got back in bed (after putting on a new shirt of course) and he calmed down while he so sweetly nursed and fell back asleep. Then he spit up on me again, this time not only hitting me but also getting my side of the bed and a portion of my pillow. Yum. All at 3:00AM no less. But as I drifted back to sleep, with R snug right next to me all that grossness and ears ringing faded like a long ago dream. I woke up in the morning to a happy baby boy oo’ing and cooing next to me. Could there possibly be a better way to wake up? I think not.
I don’t know if I’ve yet had too many opportunities to express some of these things to any other non or expecting parents yet but I am kinda looking forward to it. I’m pretty content on being the Mama Cliché.
Ahh… How I Heart the Interweb
Jan 11th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
If you’re reading this, that’s a good thing. It means you found me. I moved!! I fancied up the joint a bit and am trying to figure out this whole blogging thing still. Well, the blogging thing is going ok– uh, I think. It’s this new hosting thing/learning all about CSS editing and html codes and other acronyms that I have no idea what they hell they mean. It’s kinda fun. I am certainly a tech savy girl but I never really tought I’d be geeking it up and making websites. (Well, I guess I haven’t officially geeked it up. This is after all just a template. Thank you random interweb person!) But I’m kinda starting to get it and it’s always fun learning new things.
Not too long ago I discovered how cool Twitter is. And yes, I know, what rock have I been hiding under that it took me so damn long to figure out what all the hype was about? I dunno, but I finally did it and now I’m totally hooked. Twitter so reminds me of like 1996. Back when I thought AOL was THE internet. Talking to strangers again brings me back to those good ol’ chat room days. However, now that I have been on Twitter a bit longer, a lot of those strangers are actually turning into twit-friends? Tweeps? I dunno, again, there is a term for them I am sure. I mean now I talk to some of these Twitter Folk more than I talk to some of my “real” friends. So, ya, me likes the Twitter.
Anyways, while on Twitter one day I had the opportunity to chat with @EasyExpression. Easy Expression is a very cool company that makes these awesome hands-free pumping bras by the way. @EasyExpression was looking for some breastfeeding/pumping mamas to spotlight in their blog. I figured, hey, I’m a breastfeeding/pumping mama, I could totally do that. So I did! If you so desire to check it out you can do so here. I think it’s pretty cool. I’ve never done anything like this before so it was new & fun. Plus, I never really knew the depth of this about myself until more recently but I am 100% PRO Breastfeeding & PRO Breastfeeding rights and thought this was a neat way to put a little something out there positive about breastfeeding and my experience in doing so. It’s just a little tiny start. (And even though I am new to blogging and I don’t really get the whole thing I will let you all know that I did receive one of their awesome hands-free pumping bras in exchange for answering their questions and agreeing to be spotlighted. & that was all. They did not ask me to write about them, nor did I feel obligated to do so, nor am I not telling the truth about their product because I honestly use the bra when I’m pumping and I love it! I had looked at buying one but then I got one from them so then I didn’t have to. The end.)
Tying into both the amazing thing that is the interweb/blogging and breastfeeding and Twitter, you may have noticed that I added a cool little badge over there to the right. (I dunno, is badge the right word? Like I said, I’m still trying to get the lingo right…?) Do you see it? The boobies that say Economic Stimulus Packages? (Hee hee, I love them!!) It is a fabulous PRO breastfeeding campaign that is going on and headed by Best for Babes. Go click on those boobies to find out more about their fab campaign. Well, maybe do it when you’re done reading this insanely long ramble. Please & thank you.
While I do love the interweb, it can sometimes be a love/hate relationship. Well, what I guess I mean is, I always love the internet. Maybe too much! As I sit here typing this now there are seriously like 500 other things I could be doing. Such as tackling that mountain of clean laundry, cleaning up R’s room, geting a head start on making dinner, or for reals, like so many other things! But no, here I am sitting with my BF, Mac, hanging out at our most fav location. If I didn’t know that N also loved him some interwebs so much too, I might say he hates it, because of the time I waste on it. As I finished typing that I realize that that is actually probably a true statement after all. See what I mean? It is a true love/hate relationship. Except really, I spend 99.9% of that relationship head over heels.
So thank you interweb & Twitter & all (5?!) of you who read this little blog. Thanks for sucking all the time out of my days. No, really, thanks for being there. I really do heart you too!
The Boy
Jan 9th, 2010 by MonicaHeartsRQ
This last week I’ve been sick. And for someone who hasn’t been sick in a long time it sure is easy to forget how much being sick sucks. Yes, I know, I’m kinda complaining about this a lot lately, but it leads me nicely into my next thought… THE BOY!
R is growing so fast and starting to do so many new things… like catch his first cold. Aww, isn’t that sweet? And from his Mama & Papa no less! Well, no, I’m not sure if he has a cold or not. He’s been a little sneezy and sleeping a lot but he is still in good spirits and cute as ever. When he wakes up his little voice is all crackly and hoarse. It’s actually pretty cute and since it doesn’t seem to be bothering him I don’t feel too bad saying it’s cute.
Our little man just turned 5 months the other day. I have to say, and if you actually know me you’re discovering this to be my new favorite saying, ‘oh my god, where in the hell is the time going?’ I am so lucky in that I get to spend a lot of time with R. I am getting to see all the new amazing things he can do. Maybe not the first time, uh, did I mention he can roll over now? Yup, that’s right. He rolls from his tummy towards the left onto his back. We, his Mama & Papa, did not however get to see it for the first time. He showed off his new skills to N’s mom, Grandma K. We, and R too, are also lucky that in when I do have to go to work R gets to spend time with both his Grandmas. Not a bad gig, for either R or the Grams. However, R decided to show his new, huge milestone off to Grandma K the other day. In being honest, of course I wish he would have showed it to us first but, I know that it is not always going to be possible to get to see every first he has to offer. I was happy that at least it was one of his loving Grandmas that got to witness it and not some stranger daycare person. So, yay! R is rolling over!! And, it kinda also scares the crap outta me!! R rolling over means that pretty soon he’ll be rolling all over the place, and then scooting (which he is actually doing a little of that too) and then … crawling. Oh my! Our house is oh so not ready for a mobile baby. And that is what really scares the crap outta me!
R’s eyes are doing a lot of changing too. Which is just really cool in itself. Like, what? Eyes can just change color? So, when out popped R, I do have to say I was pretty shocked to see that I had just birthed a blue eyed baby. I mean, he had big beautiful blue eyes! A blue eyed baby from a brown eyed mama! I guess I had just always figured that I would have a brown eyed baby. So, I was surprised, pleasantly surprised, by the birth of a blue eyed baby boy. R’s eyes are now loosing that blue. From the inside out a really pretty greenish hazel color is emerging. N’s eyes are green, which I love, and so I’m excited that R’s are heading in that direction too. It is just such a neat thing to witness. And they seem to look different from day to day.
One of the coolest and sweetest things happening with R right now is that his little personality is starting to shine through. He can now just crack himself up. Maybe even better than him doing it by himself is that we can crack him up. (If you want to see how freakin cute R is cracking up, you can watch it– here.) He is starting to be so much more independent now, which is certainly bittersweet. He is now able to put himself to sleep. Give him his “pass” and a soft blankie and he’ll coo himself right into sweet slumber. And, yes, there is more, he, and I’ll probably be jinxing it, has been doing it all in his crib. By no planning on either of our parts, well, not on ours anyways, we are now co-sleeping in a family bed. I’ll admit it too, I love it. R has only slept in our room every night since he came home from the hospital but he always slept in his little cradle swaddled up. Now he is full time sleeping in our bed at night. I love waking up with him cuddled right up next to me. N is a little hesitant about the whole thing, and it has nothing to do with R actually sleeping with us, as that N is one crazy ass sleeper. Like, no joke. A. Crazy. Ass. Sleeper. So it just makes him nervous. But everything seems to be going good so far.
Well, this Rcentric post is nearing it’s end. I’ll leave you with a sweet little picture that I took earlier today, between R’s rolling all over the place. Enjoy! (I know I sure do!!)
The Santa Claus Experience
Dec 25th, 2009 by MonicaHeartsRQ
On Monday, Grandma (my Mom) & I took R to meet the jolly fat man in the red suit. I had honestly gone back and forth about trying to take him or not. First, I wanted it to be good Santa if I was going to go through the trouble of the whole thing. NO FAKE BEARDS! I actually googled Pictures with Santa, or something like that, to try and see if there were parents talking about the good places to go. To my surprise, well, at first, not so much info out there. Eventually I found an oldish post here, of course, and there were some good ideas. So we headed to Walnut Creek’s Broadway Plaza. The Broadway Plaza is a an upscale outdoor shopping area with lots of big name brand stores with posh ones mixed in, so, of course, they would have a nice Santa.
Second, and I’m being totally honest with you internet, I was kinda cheaping out and didn’t want to pay lots of money for a silly picture with Santa. I mean, seriously, how do places justifying charging people so much money for a picture of Santa? It is after-all Christmas. (Oh wait, Christmas is pretty much all about spending too much!)
Third, was R just going to hate Santa? Were we going to spend time driving to Walnut Creek, dealing with the crazy, mad house parking situation that is Christmas time at a hugely popular shopping area just to have him scream and cry and not get a cute picture. (and, yes, I know, crying kids in Santa pictures is actually very cute, & funny)
Well, the list could go on but I’ll just get to the point!
I thought Monday in the early afternoon would be a great time to go. Whoops, I forgot that Monday was the first day of winter break. This was actually prime time to take a kid to see Mr. Claus. So, we walk up to Santa’s house and A) there was a line and B) it started to rain and the line was outside. Not the biggest deal. I was secretly hoping that maybe the parents in front of us would be too afraid their kids might melt in the rain and high tail it for a higher and dryer place. Uh, no such luck.
Ah, so the line! This is where it gets good. Let me tell you, even in upper class Walnut Creek, you meet all sorts of peeps. (I know, there are all sorts of crazies everywhere! & if nothing brings them out otherwise, the holidays sure will!) 2 people in front of us was a little girl, maybe about 4. She will be known as “the Brat”. (I know, I’m mean. And yes, I also know that in approximately 3.5 years I might have “the Brat” in line with me. But for now, my little 4 1/2 month old is a pure angel and I’m just going to revel in that…) When we first got there she was removing flowers from Santa’s house’s window boxes. Running around and splat, fell. I did feel bad for her, no one likes to see a wee one take a spill on cement, & in public no less. A few cries from her and she was fine. It was a minor spill, after-all. (Instant karma?! Bad, I know…) This little girl was testing her boundries. Her mom kept telling her not to do this and not to do that. She got tantrumy about not getting to hold the baby in line in front of them. (The baby was probably all of 1 month old. & a stranger.) Later she did it about R too. Her mom was counting down left and right and after several of those, and a few melt downs they were outta there. No Santa for you today missy. And I secretly smiled as they walked away.
Meanwhile, the line had not moved since we got there. At. All.
The lady in front of us was seemed nice. Her daughter was cute. Much quieter than “the Brat” and she seemed perfectly well mannered and sweet, & she was. My Mom started to chat with her mom and as my Mom starts going on about how cool it is to be a grandma and this and that, somehow age comes up. And, I’ll admit, after working for several years in the skin care biz I’m getting pretty good about having an idea about age. (well, ok, not great but better than I used to be.) Silently I was kicking my Mom under the imaginary table, “Shut up. Don’t go there.” She didn’t get it, obviously, and then next thing we know we find out this mom of the (almost) 4 year old is only 8 years younger than my mom! (& her story was the same as lots of peeps; collage, career, then was ready but no man, etc. etc… I understand we all live different lifes and take different paths but like she said, she doubts she’ll even get to meet her future grandkids and I think that is just sad… I can also say that I am quite glad that I don’t have a 4 year old sibling!)
Meanwhile, so things were going s l o w l y in line for us.
Finally we get close to Santa’s front door. On the sign next by the door they have a note handwritten that they are out of USB ports, which this being the 21st century is actually a pretty cool. But that’s when all hell broke loose. “Old Mama” in front us just started flipping out. “She drove all the way down here,” & blah blah blah. She doesn’t want to pay the same price if she’s not getting her USB, she wants to speak to a manager, “this is ridiculous.” I’ll save you all the whole, entire long drawn out drama of “old mama” (I know, again, I am horrible!) and conclude with this: Santa, yes, THE Santa Claus got up and came over and tried to calm “old mama” down. So you know it’s gone from bad to worse when Santa has to come and mediate. And honestly overheard, “I’m just the Santa but …” Ugh, I just couldn’t believe that all this craziness was going down with the seemingly nice lady. Just put your cute little girl on Santa’s lap, have her smile, take a picture and shut up. I mean, seriously lady, it’s Christmas, don’t be so cheap and have some respect. She had mentioned while chatting about “what could be taking so long?” Umm, people like you are holding up the line. People like you are making this a stressful situation. Ugh!
Well, this is a lot of negativeness on my part I suppose. So, I guess I’m no better… But there were some seriously cute kids in line. Well behaved kids, whom hopefully Santa brought them exactly what they asked for. Kids who probably looked freakin ridiculously cute posed with Mr. Claus. The Santa Claus and I had a little chat while the staff was trying to finish putting out the fire that “old mama” had started. He said exactly what I had been thinking, which was, it’s Christmas time. This is not what the season is about. This is not what taking a picture with Santa should be. After a few more minutes I got out of Santa’s chair and let the real magic happen.
We ended up getting a few great shots. And while I was unsure if the trip to Santa would be worth it, it most certainly was. This is, after-all, R’s first Christmas. His only first Christmas and I sure am glad he got to meet Santa. I know that this is just the first year of many of … The Santa Claus Experience.
Merry Christmas from my family to yours!!
Welcome to the Playhouse
Dec 12th, 2009 by MonicaHeartsRQ
Sally was kind of a generic doll. With one wicked hair do. One that was never the same after taking many baths with me. Suzy was a pink stuffed kitty. She had a music box that played ‘It’s a Small World.’ I could tell you the story of how Suzy and I lost contact but it would break my heart again and those big, huge, sloppy tears would probably ruin my keyboard, so I won’t. I had a dolly crib, with a working drop rail, that was my grandma’s, my mom’s and then my aunt’s. Yes, and you know it would for sure have been recalled by now. (Ha! Just kidding! They just don’t make things like they used to. This crib is still in amazing shape btw…) I had a dolly sized bunk bed that was my mom’s and aunt’s. A kick ass dolly stroller, that my mom customized for me by changing out all the fabric that was originally blue and red (bleh) to lavender and pastel hearts, uber cool for a 7 year old. A wooden dolly highchair. A pail full of dolly clothes. Later I even upgraded to an American Girl doll, Molly. Back when there was only 3 American Girl dolls to choose from. So, where is all of this going you may be asking yourself. No, this is not my list of what a spoiled and lucky girl I was. I mean, it kind of is, but that’s not the point.
What is the point? Where am I really going with this? I have always wanted to be a mommy. Always. There. I said it. It has never been a decision that I questioned. There has always been that desire to have a baby. I’m pretty sure that most little girls all have the the feeling that they want to be a mama at some point or another. It isn’t until later in their lives that they start to second think that possibly built in desire. But for me, I knew, and have always known that I would be a mother someday. I had actually wanted to be a young mama and have my first baby by the time I was 25. Well, I’m a few years off and ya know I’m totally ok with that. I still feel young so I suppose that’s what really matters.
Yes, so for hours and hours, and days and day of my life I pretended to be a mama to dolls and stuffed animals and now in real life I am lucky enough to be one, a real one. I often wonder what it feels like to not want to have children. (And I certainly don’t think anything less of you if that’s how you feel but I guess I just don’t get it.) Having kids for me is not about wanting to create a little mini me or mini my husband (however, I’m kinda thinking that’s just what I did. Ha.). This mommy desire and feeling is all about love. Wanting to be able to share this love with another (tiny squishy) human. Wanting to be a teacher, to raise a conscious person, with a big open heart. I most definitely have values and ideas that I would like RQ to know and believe in, but he is destined to be his own person. I’m happy to be here for the ride. I was just lucky enough that he chose me to be his mama. I do hope that someday he feels lucky to have me, but if not that’s okay too. After all that’s not really what it’s all about anyways.
To be a mother encompasses so many things. So many feeling and emotions. I also know that you most certainly don’t have to conceive and birth that child to be their real mother. Real mothers are more than just genes and genetics. I, of course, feel blessed that I was able to birth and breastfeed my own healthy baby boy, but had I not been able to, I would still have become a mama. One way or another. Like I said before, I have known since I was a little girl that I would be a mommy someday. And I’m so glad that my someday is today. I just can’t imagine my life without my RQ, without being a mama.
Time Flies
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